≡ Body & Soul
We are proud to introduce our Featured Writer for the Body & Soul section of the Softly Dreaming Blog as well as our website.
Carly Monteith Monkman follows the mantra “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” and as a no victims allowed personal coach and a 25 year veteran of corporate training, she passes lessons learned to others empowering them to envision, accept, enjoy, change or create the reality that will allow them to be. Whatever.
Stay tuned for some of Carly SUPER HOT writing!
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Rulz to Live By
Wisdom is such a cool thing. It does not belong just to one person or one social economic group. Not one race or religion or political party or even gender (sorry to my wonderful women friends that will question that last statement). Wisdom does not belong to the sage older generation or to the young, just finding their voice, generation although I think of those times fondly and truthfully I thought I did know it all. However I was willing at that young age to stay open to “possibly” learn from my elders and learn I did. Now I hope I can pass on lessons to the young, the old and all those in between. And I still stay open to the lessons I might learn from others.
One of my favorite learning’s was the saying “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”. How true it is that the lessons we need come at just the right times when we are ready and they sometimes come from unexpected teachers.
Over the past few months I have had an on going dialogue with an amazing young man I know. As we discussed life and all the things that go along with it, he would occasionally drop a pearl of wisdom in my mind for processing. I came to know that no matter what the situation, Derek would have a comment filled with wisdom that I felt was beyond his years. I believe he is an old soul here to guide those that hear his message. He may not agree with my description of him yet he has been a wonderful teacher for me. Remember, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. I have learned that all the pearls of wisdom are his 10 “rulz” to live by. With his permission I share them here for perhaps your growth. As I have been told, #1 stays in that position always but all the rest are interchangeable to meet the needed situation.
I believe these are a great foundation for practicing and owning the self- responsibility I wrote about in my “Body and Soul” article. I am personally embracing #3 currently. Enjoy! And thank you Derek for always living #5.
D’s 10 “rulz” to live by:
Rule #1: If I cannot change something that is bothering me through my own direct action, don’t worry about it.
Rule #2 Love your friends and family, but don’t let them run your life.
Rule #3: There are no bad days, only bad moments. Let them go.
Rule #4: It’s ok if people think you’re an asshole. They haven’t taken the time to see who you are. Let them figure it out.
Rule #5: Your attitude affects all others, make sure they’re amazed by it.
Rule #6: Take time for yourself. You are the most important person in your life.
Rule #7: If you don’t like what someone does to you, tell them. If they don’t change, they do not deserve to be part of your life.
Rule #8: You cannot possibly control life, stop trying and enjoy it.
Rule #9: Live up to your own expectations…no one else’s.
Rule #10: You will not like everyone you meet, but you can make an impact on everyone’s life.
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Personal Responsibility
Let’s face it; I am a romantic soul and especially when it comes to lyrics of songs. It’s like I hear the words and my heart cries out, “let me feel that intense love or longing”. And then I remember who I am, a somewhat analytic and often skeptic that thinks too much emphasis is put on romantic notion and not enough on how we can create the feelings we want in our own lives. More on that to come in future articles.
I bring this up because it lays a foundation for introducing myself and some of the topics that will follow in Body and Soul. This is your chance to glimpse a bit of me before the focus is changed to you. As I looked at all the areas or topics that could be of use to readers of Softly Dreaming, the task of choosing the first seemed to be daunting however as someone that has had inspiration (and lessons) show up just when needed, I knew the focus would appear if allowed. Back to song lyrics being the inspiration.
As a self proclaimed R & B/rocker chick, I was frightened yet pleased when a friend put together a play list from musicals. I will admit it here, I used to listen to Le Mes and Phantom when no one was around and as I started listening to the songs from the new play list, one from Starlight, Only You, grabbed the heart strings of this closet romantic and I listened to it several times (hundreds to be spot on). Oh the voices, the music, the sweet longing; and then the one set of words really made me pay attention and SNAP, inspiration for this article!
“Only you have the power to move me,
Take me, hold me, mold me, change me and improve me”
What???? Okay, I admit the notion of someone making me all that I can be sounds easier than reality and these beautiful words and the melody could lull me into a belief that someone else has the power to move me, mold me, improve me, but wait!!! These words are saying I must have someone else make me something! Inspiration. This is where the column begins. With the thought that we don’t need someone else to mold us or improve us! It is an inside job if we want to change. Or not.
This article is really about self-responsibility. Whether it be to change some dynamic of life or be happy where life is, the decision is yours and yours alone. You are totally responsible for your life and world. It may be hard to hear but wherever you are right now, you have helped to create and future articles will speak to the many aspects of this alone!
Whether a person chooses to accept the space they currently occupy or put in motion the things needed for change depends on their comfort level with the contradictions of human life. Because of human ability to feel emotion we are filled with opposites or contradictions. I can’t speak to yours but I can share a few of mine.
I am soft and I am hard
I am public and I am oh so private
I am afraid and I have a lionheart
I am a thistle and I am a tulip (thank you Leslie P)
I am in love and I am not
I am simple and I am complex
I am a kitten and I am a tigress
I am a victim and I am a survivor
So if you are human you have contradictions and the choice or self-responsibility to accept, embrace or change them. Or not.
The last contradiction, Victim or Survivor, is shared by many and some people have earned the right to use the word survivor by making it to the other side of illness and others can use it because they made it to the other side of abuse. Whatever happens there is self-responsibility resting solely on the shoulders of the one that must decide, “what do I want to do with this event that has happened to me? Relive it everyday I have left on earth or look at it in a different way for what it might have brought to me in lessons or braveness?” Victim Survivor Choose One. And know that if you choose and then later want to change your mind, YOU CAN! That is what self-responsibility is about. Being responsible for your reaction to the events in your life. Some you will cause and some you will just get but how you respond will determine the outcome of the event.
So this article is about taking responsibility for your life. For molding and creating the life you want, and it can be anything you want it to be. It may not happen overnight but it can happen. I have waited 38 years for some things to come to my life the way I wanted. And if you want it enough, the wait is worth it.
I have no great tips and techniques right now for getting you to take self-responsibility. It is simply a decision on your part. Future articles will cover ideas that may help you to change or accept your contradictions but for now, the one thing I want to be your takeaway is that it is a matter of making the decision for yourself of how your life will be. That is self-responsibility!
So in the following months there is much to share around many topics. I am always open to hearing your ideas or concerns and will include some of your comments or questions in future articles. Feel free to contact me here. If you include an email I may answer however understand that as a personal life coach dedicated to the continued success of my clients, I can sense a victim from far away and we won’t be able to dance. If you are serious about self-responsibility and embracing all the contradictions that are you, let’s explore creating your reality to be what you want and know inside that it can be. If you sing these words to yourself,
“Only I have the power to move me,
Take me, hold me, mold me, change me and improve me”
You are well on your way to an amazing self.
Continued Success,
Carly
