Softly Dreaming Blog

The Affable Imp back again with another sorta travelogue on Ashland, Oregon.

I have just returned from a simply wonderful and unintentionally romantic (read…in my head) weekend in Ashland, OR. It was the weekend I wanted and never truly had with my Exes. It was the weekend I WILL have again with another…a lover. So, I went for love of the theater and fell just a very teensy little bit too as the town romanced me.

This summer it was Ashland or bust…alas, no friends could go, save CA, who I met through CL answering my faux ad. We had taken in two local shows, and she was game for taking in another at the OSF, while visiting her old college town. We had tickets, yet no plans, but for a relaxing time. Letting the weekend unfold organically added to its charm.

Visiting Eugene for the 1st time, CA had the great idea to bring me over to U of O to check out the Olympic Track & Field trials just getting under way…and to show me a little of her home and (other) college town (4 degrees total). On then to dinner at a little Italian family restaurant that CA loved tucked into a Sutherlin, OR side street. While enjoying a nice bottle of Chianti, and listening to the owner strum his guitar, we were warmly served with fresh and delicious pasta dishes.

Stuffed, and warmed, we headed south for the nearly 3 hour drive to Ashland. Conversation flowed more readily than expected and upon checking in to the Inn, we still had plenty of energy to take in the town. The Stratford Inn is within 4 blocks of the main shops and restaurants so we walked the streets, though quiet and closed, window shopping for the next day. I was just taken with the town from the moment we drove through…and yes, it does just take a moment to drive through. We walked and talked, as CA guided us on what had changed and stayed the same from her college days. We were looking for the watering holes of her youth, and save one, they were no more.

Yet, the town was not yet rolled up after 11pm. As we took a drink from the mineral water fountain in the center of the town, I happened to look up to the top of a great old turn of the century building and noticed cool red lantern lights and lots of folks swaying in the shadows…it was the Hong Kong Bar. We had wondered what so many people were doing going into a dark alley way between the buildings, so we explored too…could it be just like Fernando’s hideaway…but up an elevator? It was a great space for a lounge, having very high ceilings, open windows, tables, couches, good music, with the locals milling about. We scored two stools at the bar, and sat waiting to be served, lamenting not smoking, to pass the time. As we waited, me, the girl who never got hit on by a guy at a bar, was being besieged by my bar buddy to the left, wanting to do tequila shots…he was a hoot, but my attention stayed with CA, who watched, and commented, amused, as he had his arm around my stool. The bartender finally made his way to us, a cute young guy, of obvious tending skills. He made me a Vanilla Stoli, Midori & cream foofy drink that may be my new favorite. However, it was watching him make repeated Mojitos, adding the most mint, lime and generous portion of Bicardi, that I have ever seen, that drew CA’s particular attention…we resolved to come back the next night for our “tenders” Mojito’s. We walked slowly back to the Inn on such a beautiful warm night, checking out the remaining life on the strip and window shopping the other side of the street for the morning. It twas a good good night.

Saturday morning was gorgeous and hot…at breakfast we shared our thoughts on what shops and things we wanted not to miss. First to the Book Wagon, a strip mall used book store that turned into trouble. Not in the store 10 mins, I collected 6 books to buy on the metaphysical/religion/art and one on how to write a novel. I had not yet even looked at the actual metaphysical section of the store…there I did find CA choosing a book on crystals. Of course we have Powell’s, but this store had so much of interest in such a small area to peruse, it is enough reason to return. On to the Shop N’ Kart, a large natural and organic grocery, where we purchased lunch and some choice wines for taking home.

Puff’s Fine Tobacco & Cigars was our next stop, and it deserves a blog entry all its own.

Back at the Inn, ready for lunch…we set up a bit of an indoor picnic, out of the heat, overlooking the pool. Sharing another bottle of wine, fresh strawberries and a tasty sandwich of organic produce, we laughed easily and often about much. What a pleasant afternoon.

Before heading off for more shopping, we needed to make our dinner reservations. CA knew where she wanted to take us for dinner, but she needed to remember it. We sat together pouring over the local menu book, and then finally found it in the yellow pages…the Jacksonville Inn. Booking for 6pm allowed us time to take the walk down on the strip, to shop and scout out the Psychic fair we had noted on Friday night. We looked in on the various counselors present, but decided against a reading, choosing to spend time looking through the Pagan magic shop. They were highlighting the start of a new Pagan elementary school program, and featuring books on pagan parenting, and beginning “spell” books. There was an interesting selection of wands and an apothecary of sorts, allowing the purchase of more than 30 ingredients to be used in effecting the spells. The store closes every Thursday at 4pm for “magic school”. Didn’t I say that I loved this town.

We continued our walk down Siskiyou Blvd., taking in still another apothecary store of sorts, featuring walls full of large bottles of Herbal ingredients for mixing together Herbal medicines. Next we stopped into stores featuring local artists, including some unusually styled hand blown glass, various other metaphysical/alternative book/gift stores, and other handcrafted item stores-soaps, art & jewelry. There was just not enough time though to do the boulevard thoroughly…I know, I need to come back.

Driving into the historic gold rush town of Jacksonville for dinner at the Jacksonville Inn, you do get a sense of the old western town. It is likely worth a daytime visit; and another night time one too for the nationally recognized Britt Music Festival. The Inn has been featured on television as a “great country inn”, recognized for culinary excellence, and also by Wine Spectator for the incredible 2000+ bottle wine cellar. The ambiance of the underground dining room, with red lantern candlelight, and exposed brick walls, couldn’t be more romantic. The patio, under the stars, with candlelight, as the thunder storm threatened, was equally so…the dinner special of crab stuffed prawns was all we expected and more. The rain drops beginning to fall, forced us to huddle together close to finish the shared sweet dessert, allowing us then to rush off back to Ashland, coming into the theater on the chimes, to just make the curtain of The Further Adventures of Hedda Gabler, by Jeff Whitty (he wrote the musical Avenue Q). Whew!

We enjoyed the show, as an amusing, if different, comedy. I can’t wait to explore Ashland’s other theater too, the Oregon Cabaret Theater, in its 23rd season, and several smaller houses producing year round original, classic and Avant-garde productions.

Ah, but the Mojitos were calling our name. We returned to the Hong Kong Bar, having to request the special attention of our boy bartender, on his break, to make them…CA insisted he must. I made sure to retain his services. Properly minted, we continued the evening next door, upstairs at Alex’s, to enjoy a live jazz/funk band. Like the Hong Kong, the restaurant/lounge was a spacious space with an open veranda, 20+ foot ceilings, with tables, comfortable chairs and couches. Choosing the comfy couch to relax and take in the music, we sat close and I listened so attentively to CA’s story, becoming more appreciative of her by the moment for making our time in Ashland so special. A few drinks, softened my eyes, and allowed her to open up. I’m grateful to have had her undivided attention before she finally has her first moments alone with “D”, a woman that she “likes.” Why don’t I have a shot…I think it’s the “little blueberry muffins” she baked for “D” special, that gives me a clue. It could also be that she’s a die-hard hiker. I’m not. That’s her thing. Yet, we still have the theater to share. That’s my thing.

As a perfect ending to a special weekend, we had brunch at Morning Glories restaurant, a quaint cottage, not too far and across the street from SRD’s favorite lounge, Omar’s (never got there, but will do that next time). Completing the romantic nature of the weekend, was the cottage’s English Garden ambiance, a small, private corner table on the patio, and light conversation, complete with giggles. After brunch, CA drove us up to Mount Ashland, and then we turned home for Eugene. We said goodbye with a nice hug. We’ll meet again. She’ll likely join me up in Portland to take in Les Miserable in mid-July.

I’ll be back to Ashland for certain, bringing friends and lovers, to enjoy the special energy of the place. Do yourself a favor and plan a visit there too. Visit http://www.passport2ashland.com

At Puffs Fine Tobacco & Cigar shop of Ashland, I bought my first cigarettes in over twenty years. Why buy cigarettes and try smoking again? Curiosity is getting the better of me lately. I’m in a stage of re-examining my past judgments and supposed solid beliefs to see just where they stack up against who I am and want to be now, going forward. Anyway…so many of my attractive, intelligent new friends do and I would like to understand the motivation. Yes, it’s probably addiction…though some say it’s so much more. Could it be?

I spent a lot of time talking with the shop proprietor about smokes for a newbie, and he did agree with C that Nat Sherman Naturals are a good choice. However, he recommended as the most popular choice among the more refined American and imported cigarettes, the Imported “Dreams”, French Vanilla flavor. He also suggested I might start with a light & tiny flavored cigar…the “Happy Hour” peach and pina colada flavors were selected.

So, I gave them a try this Saturday night in private. It was a good time to try again, something to do to get my mind off a girl (there’s the “giving you something to do” argument covered) Yeah, well, I think I kinda need a little practice, even a lesson, on the smoking thing though…I still choked like crazy. But the French Vanilla did give me an interesting buzz…enough to have me try the peach cigar…it worked too. That’s how much I knew…nothing …didn’t know of the buzz and I can see where that might encourage trying again. However, I understand that that will go away after the 1^st pack…maybe if I parse them out a bit?

l must have been a sight. So glad it was very late, in place no one knows my name. Stupid to try smoking again wearing all black…the white ash, all over my pants. The smoke! God, there was so much smoke…right in my face. The smell and the taste…my clothes now smelled up all my leftover clean clothes in the suitcase, and I had to brush my teeth several times and it still wasn’t right…hence, the GUM! Shall I continue? You know though, these little sticks are expensive, so I may commit over time to smoke’em…but it won’t be pretty.

Mmmmm, that brings me back to my attractive friends…I never imagined myself “hanging out” with smokers, but I made the choice that they are worth it. So, I can see now how the social interaction of the activity could encourage the habit.

Of course, smoking has always encouraged social interaction, but now a form of it has a “coined name”…the art of ”smirting”…the apparent pastime of smokers “flirting” outside public places in which smoking is not allowed. That’s another reason in favor of it. You can read more about the “smirting “(old, but new again) phenomenon here-

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article2215960.ece

I’ll post now and then more on both the for and against arguments on smoking. I’ll let you know too how many are left in my packs.

Challenge me with your thoughts on the habit.

The Affable Imp.

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If you knew me you would say too…you dated a woman who had a WHAT, living WHERE, and you touched IT!

The wonders of creative companionship…the things we do outside of who we are, and in spite of ourselves, to have a date, be less alone…

We live a bit with a Pig…just a little bit…not THAT kind…but a 250+lbs, just about blind, gooey discharged eyes, ooky grey, coarse, bristly haired Sus, who takes her place on the couch…she was Phoebe. Her mom was lovely.

I saw pictures of her when she was a Babe…adorable, lovable, pink and petite…hmmm…kinda like me once upon a time. Well, she too grew out of her skin, plumped up, made funny noises to get attention, and routinely tore off the feeder cap to eat more than her share.

Phoebe lived in the exes second bedroom in a bevy of blankets and WHOA…that smell. She had a shanty place out back and her place on the couch, well documented…free reign of the house, except…the master…but when there too…she had a way she rubbed, knocked, and scraped the floor…I made my exit through the other door. She had her different calls, none I could ever imitate…all that made her salivate…”You’re Ok…, it’s ok…Use your Words.” It worked on me too. Her mom was lovely.

Swatting her butt for affection; she used her nose for detection. Her sense of smell was going bad, and she barely had the eyes to see…WHAT the HELL was WRONG with me. Her mom was lovely.

Welcomed home to a Sty…I held my words. So many times, we pushed and pulled her up the plank, into the truck, out to the Couve, to go away for awhile…visiting with other sows…she used to love to play. Now she was fading fast…lost the scent of her feed…we were heating up, but I couldn’t live there for keeps.

The condo limit was 65lbs…no hooves. I held my nose and smiled sweetly as I fell deeper, but craving and needing NEATLY. Her mom was lovely.

She grew on me the short time I knew her, and I held her softly as she lay down to sleep…I didn’t expect to miss her.

She did move into the condo, given a place of honor among the art. The Dragonfly Urn fit smartly to the décor. We even spoke to her, and sought her advice. I hear her call occasionally. When our life was divided, Phoebe went with her mom. She was lovely.

On the 25th of June I did a post called Views on Marriage. In it I describe a debate over dinner with S, R & SRD. We discussed how marriage is perceived and whether or not there is an alternative that perhaps might be “better” for the queer community.

Since then, S, SRD and a visiting C (shout out to you, girl!) revisited the topic. SRD pointed out the S and I were actually closer to the same ideas than it would appear. (S, when your social butterfly life slows down, maybe you want to add your two cents? You say it so much better than I can!)

The SRD forwarded me an article titled Bizarre Origins of Wedding Traditions. The article definitely seemed timely to the topic. (Thanks SRD!)

Here are some of the highlights:

• Queen Victoria in 1840 was the one who made popular the “white” wedding gown. Before that, a bride wore any old thing she could find that looked decent. Also, to show off how wealthy she or her family was, the bride would layer up on fur, silk and velvet.
• It is well known that in days gone by, many marriages were arranged between parents. Often the daughter was given away to seal some sort of deal such as a debt, higher status or making nice with an enemy. When pops walks you down the isle to “give you away”, this is the symbolism.
• The veil was specifically to hide the appearance of the “new wife” from the groom. He might chicken out if she was not appealing.

These all seem to be English traditions, and it should be noted that other cultures might have their own basis for similar traditions when it comes to weddings. This would include other European countries.

This is how I see it. Many people hold Christmas as a fond holiday. We have rituals and traditions around Christmas, and it is very personal and meaningful aside from gift giving. Yet, it stems from the Roman Pagan celebration Saturnalia celebrated for one week from the 17th of December through the 25th. It was a week of festival, rioting, lawlessness and a “time off” for all aspects of law enforcement, courts and government. Does that taint your enjoyment of your Christmas traditions today?

Living in the Northwest has many advantages and if you like the out of doors and activities such as hiking, this area is perfect. I do like to hike and we try to get out each weekend and being married to a mountain goat means usually a lot of elevation and distance. It is part of my reality and while I am not always excited to get up early to go work hard, I tell myself it is healthy and go do it. Besides the benefits of elevating my heart rate, burning fat and toning muscles, hiking gives me time to write. Mentally that is; and the beauty around me or the boredom of putting one foot in front of the other causes my brain to “noodle” all the ideas that have been floating around.

A recent hike was rather nasty for the first 7 miles with cold and rain trying to distract me. The last 7 miles had tiny sun breaks and warmer temperatures so I was able to start removing layers. Just like hiking in the northwest one adds layers for comfort in life too. I thought about the fact that during a hike we know when we need to remove layers but in life sometimes we keep them on even though they are not brining us comfort and sometimes even causing discomfort.

The concept of layers really made an impact on me years ago when attending a 3 day personal enhancement or growth seminar. It was a boot camp of sorts for those looking to understand the reality they had created thus far in their lives. The seminar leader did a peaceful, closed eyes visualization with us one the evening. We saw ourselves wearing a thick, ghastly suit of all the layers of gunk we had piled upon ourselves. Some we brought into our lives and some people dumped on us but we let stay, even believing some of what they said about us. So we visualized standing in front of a mirror wearing this heavy and uncomfortable “gunk” suit. Then we noticed that it had a zipper and we realized that we had the power to unzip the suit and remove it from our frame. We did so and stood facing the mirror seeing ourselves lighter and happier and free. It was powerful to own the choice of owning and wearing the layers or unzipping and removing that which no longer contributed health and happiness to our lives. Here we are at self-responsibility again. And in hiking or life, layers have the purpose of keeping us comfortable and we can add or remove them as needed. We just need to decide if they cause comfort and serve a purpose or if we just got used to them being part of our life even if they are sometimes uncomfortable.

A client of mine was frustrated with a layer that she was having difficulty with. While she was amazing at her ability to embrace and accept her life, she was increasingly uncomfortable with her weight. Being athletic she found the extra weight slowing her down and she was tired of the “fat” jokes in her group of active friends. We spent two entire sessions around this issue and she made the commitment to be healthier. Over the next several months she lost nearly 60lbs and feels better. She does not like herself any better; she already did however she feels healthier and will admit that she likes kicking ass as she out climbs some of her previously thinner friends. What made it work for her was her decision that this layer no longer served her and making the choice to act. As her coach, I believe that having accountability helped keep her on track, but it was her doing all along. She just needed to choose to discard the layer that was no longer of need and was causing discomfort.

When looking at the layers we wear, an action item that I do with some of my coaching clients is to have them write down all the tolerations in their life. The things that they always just accept and go along with or that have been part of their life for so long that they don’t even notice that there is discomfort. We then discuss them and highlight those tolerations that no longer have a purpose or that cause discomfort. The next step is to make agreements about shedding those layers and what that will look like. It is amazing to hear the freedom in someone’s voice when they feel lighter!

From the wonderful friend that made me the musical playlist, I mentioned in my last column on Personal Responsibility, is another group of amazing female artists and one song by Idina Menzel, “Defying Gravity”, is perfect for the topic of removing layers that no longer serve us. Some of the fantastic words are:

“Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I’m through with playing by the rules of someone’s else’s game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, it’s time to trust my instincts close my eyes and leap. It’s time to try defying gravity…

“I’m through accepting limits ’cause someone says they’re so. Some things I can not change but ‘till I try I’ll never know……

This is a great listen for shedding layers! I suggest you listen to it 38 times and then strip! The choice and action is yours and I would love to hear stories of how you lighten your load! Have fun defying gravity.

Continued Success,

Carly

Wisdom is such a cool thing. It does not belong just to one person or one social economic group. Not one race or religion or political party or even gender (sorry to my wonderful women friends that will question that last statement). Wisdom does not belong to the sage older generation or to the young, just finding their voice, generation although I think of those times fondly and truthfully I thought I did know it all. However I was willing at that young age to stay open to “possibly” learn from my elders and learn I did. Now I hope I can pass on lessons to the young, the old and all those in between. And I still stay open to the lessons I might learn from others.

One of my favorite learning’s was the saying “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”. How true it is that the lessons we need come at just the right times when we are ready and they sometimes come from unexpected teachers.

Over the past few months I have had an on going dialogue with an amazing young man I know. As we discussed life and all the things that go along with it, he would occasionally drop a pearl of wisdom in my mind for processing. I came to know that no matter what the situation, Derek would have a comment filled with wisdom that I felt was beyond his years. I believe he is an old soul here to guide those that hear his message. He may not agree with my description of him yet he has been a wonderful teacher for me. Remember, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. I have learned that all the pearls of wisdom are his 10 “rulz” to live by. With his permission I share them here for perhaps your growth. As I have been told, #1 stays in that position always but all the rest are interchangeable to meet the needed situation.

I believe these are a great foundation for practicing and owning the self- responsibility I wrote about in my “Body and Soul” article. I am personally embracing #3 currently. Enjoy! And thank you Derek for always living #5.

D’s 10 “rulz” to live by:

Rule #1: If I cannot change something that is bothering me through my own direct action, don’t worry about it.

Rule #2 Love your friends and family, but don’t let them run your life.

Rule #3: There are no bad days, only bad moments. Let them go.

Rule #4: It’s ok if people think you’re an asshole. They haven’t taken the time to see who you are. Let them figure it out.

Rule #5: Your attitude affects all others, make sure they’re amazed by it.

Rule #6: Take time for yourself. You are the most important person in your life.

Rule #7: If you don’t like what someone does to you, tell them. If they don’t change, they do not deserve to be part of your life.

Rule #8: You cannot possibly control life, stop trying and enjoy it.

Rule #9: Live up to your own expectations…no one else’s.

Rule #10: You will not like everyone you meet, but you can make an impact on everyone’s life.

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If you like this post, you can check more Carly at Body & Soul here.

Some people call them thongs, I call them g-strings. Why do I have the right to do that? Well, because g-strings are my preferred undergarments. The differentiation could be made that a g-string has a thinner piece of material going from the lower back through your cheeks, but the two words are often used interchangeably. (For the record, I don’t do the little floss, so does that mean I am a thong girl?) R and I went shopping yesterday, and I stocked up. I prefer Calvin Klein’s myself, but would suggest  you get whatever makes you feel best.

I am sure that’s what this woman did when she purchased a thong at Victoria Secrets. One hint: Why on earth would you wear underwear with fake gems in them? Sorry, but that kind of creeps me out. And two, if you do purchase said gem encrusted undies, be very VERY careful!

Macrida Patterson is a 52 year old Los Angeles traffic cop who purchased a blue pair of panties from Victoria Secrets. Adorning the said thong, was a rhinestone heart thingymabooble. She says the thong was very aggressive, and she was injured by some piece of metal holding the fako-gem in place when the rhinestone flew off and she was hit in the eye. Being America, she is suing Vickie’s.

“I was putting on my underwear from Victoria’s Secret and the metal popped in my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That’s what happened,” Patterson told NBC.

Patterson’s lawyer Jason Buccat, who also appeared on the “Today” show, said the metal staple causes “severe damage” to her cornea that required a topical steroid.

WTF? “Severe damage” and it only required a topical steroid? I am not saying the woman didn’t get hurt or that she didn’t have any pain in her eye, but I think our ideas about “severe damage” are a little different. It sounds as if her eye may have been more painful than a bad case of pink eye, but the treatment was fairly the same.

When I was very young, a little boy around the corner from me threw a stick up in the air. He was trying to get it to fly over a tree branch. Well, it did, and then promptly landing sharp end first into his eye. The Emergency doctors removed the stick, but found his eye so damaged that it had to be removed. I would consider that “severe damage”.

Article - Reuters Oddly Enough: Thongs for Throngs are Flinging Prongs?

Quote: Woman sues Victoria’s Secret for thong injury

Ever wonder what all those initials stand for in Dykedome? Wonder no more.

The Lesbian Code

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Lesbian Vampire Lovers of Lust - an ode to lesbian vampire films (long and campy!)